Yes, my name is Mo. Don’t pee on yourself.

Every few months, a new patron comes into the bar. Conversations are stricken. We talk about sports, what brought them to town, where to eat in town. Then it happens. They ask my name, I tell them, and they completely lose their minds.

“Wait, Mo? Like on The Simpsons?”

They then laugh uncontrollably and marvel at how clever they are to make this connection.

This has happened a lot over the years, but two stand out. The first happened at the bar I was at for eight years. It was a busy Saturday night and there was a whole group of guys in from out of town. They had been drinking most of the day before they entered my place. One guy comes up to my station to order a round and asks the question.

“So, (hic) what’s your name man?”

“It’s Mo.”

“Woah, woah, woah! You’re name’s ‘Mo’, and you’re a bartender!” His mouth was agape and his eyes were, dialated and bulging from their sockets. He nearly fell to the floor as he spun around to face his table to yell over his shoulder. “JOE!!! Dude, get the fuck over here! This dude’s name is Mo! Yeah, the fucking bartender! Yeah! Just like on the show! Holy Jesus Christ this is the coolest god damn thing ever!”

And all I can do is just smile and nod and let them bask in the glory of making a connection dozens have people made over the last 14 years while I die a little inside.

It happened again this past weekend. This guy is new to town and makes the connection, but he’s not as pop culture saavy as he thinks he is.  We go through the usual start of this diatribe but he then takes it further by having to reference this connection everytime he sees me or needs a drink.

“Mo! Mo god damn Beasely! Just like on the damn tv show! Get the fuck over here, Mo Beasely! I fucking love this guy!”

Beasely?  I’m not sure what he’s talking about but I let it go on for somewhere around an hour before I finally brace him about the Beasely thing.

“That’s his name! That’s Moe’s last name on The Simpsons!”

“No, no it’s not.”

“Sure it is, man!”

“No, dude, it really isn’t.”

“You wanna bet?”

I smile and someone off to the side bellows, “No, you do NOT want to bet Mo on pop culture stuff.”

But New Guy is full of himself and Jack Daniels and indignant, confident in his own limited knowledge.  Now, I’m not generally in the practice of anally raping my patrons’ pocketbooks. However, if you’re going to make an incorrect pop culture reference, attach it to me, and then abuse it over and over again, then you don’t deserve that portrait of Abe Lincoln in your pocket.

Far too often, people forget that being clever is only amusing if you’re smart. This guy works for a rent to own place. Now, if I were to start calling him Pat Summerall, would it be funny? No. Because John Madden did ads for a rent to own place. I wouldn’t call this guy Randy Savage because Hulk Hogan does ads for a rent to own place.

However, I will accept your gratuitous and unnecessary tips while you shower me with praise for my bartending prowess.