No Morning After (a very short story)

He knew the relationship was doomed the moment she got out of bed and began praying loudly. She was in fact louder than she had been throughout their hour long bout of love making. Well, he thought it had been love making. But as he listened to her at the foot of the bed with her hands clasped together so tightly that her knuckles were white and her eyes clamped shut as she swayed back and forth slowly in her nakedness, he learned that he was wrong.

“Oh dear Lord,” she called out so loudly that ne nearly fell out of the bed, “please take us into your loving bosom and forgive us the wanton carnality of our acts in your divine presence. Know, oh mighty God, that it was not my wish to transgress so egregiously. I did not wish to indulge in drink and flesh…”
And that’s how it went for ten minutes; her espousing to an apparently angry and bitter god how terribly wicked and evil they both were but oh golly gee, Mr. Jesus, I sure hope you’ll forgive us. Meanwhile, he slowly crawled deeper into the relative safety and comfort the down comforter his grandmother had made for him and wondered what she’d say about him now.
“…and I certainly did not expect or grant him permission to stick his finger in my ass, Jesus,” she said. “And while the sex was fantastic, for that alone you may smite him however you see fit.”
“So, you won’t be staying for pancakes then?” he said with a sigh.


1 Comment

  1. OMG That’s hilarious! You must write more like this!

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